Say No To Anxiety!

 

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” C Spurgeon

I often ask my clients to make a list of all the negative emotions and actions they have been tolerating when they seek my help to reach their Personal Revolution.

I’m sharing mine with you today.

Anxiety! I tolerated it for such a long time that it almost became a way of life.  I called it paralysis by over-analysis.  until I learned how to collapse the most powerful step in this process and control “it” rather than let it control me.

Don’t get me wrong; a little bit of anxiety is needed to keep us safe, but I’m talking about the kind of anxiety that takes over your mind and body, stunts your growth and stops you from exploring new terrains.  Do you know what I mean?

How do you label your feelings of anxiety?  How much headspace is it taking, and how much of your precious energy are you dedicating to masking it, fighting it and trying to control it?

Would it not be better to learn to combat it and free yourself up of this debilitating emotion?  I did!

As always, I’d love to hear from you.  Let’s have a chat if you’re curious about eliminating the kinda anxiety that’s stopping you from reaching for the stars.

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

“Life Is An Evolution”​

 

“Life is an evolution, isn’t it mum” asked mini me on one of those bygone days when we used to travel to school.

Yes.  Life is indeed an evolution.  We are the product of the environments we grew up in.  The people we grew up with.  The beliefs and values we adopted.  The sense of connection and belonging we felt and still feel at every step of the way. 

Every new experience and interaction helps shape our reality and the lens we see the world through.  For some people, evolution is a slow process.

For some of us however, certain circumstances arise in our life at the most unexpected time.  They force us to re-evaluate our lives.  

Mine came when I suffered with burnout when I was juggling far too many balls in the air at the same time.  The overwhelm I felt paralysed my logical left thinking brain I so faithfully relied upon until then.  

I clearly remember articulating this as “my amygdala having hijacked my brain” to a friend.  I had averaged 3 hours of sleep each night for the previous 5 months and I was simply incapable of making even the simplest of decisions.

That’s when I was forced to take time out and rethink the path I wanted to travel on.  As difficult as it was to go through that period, it was a blessing in disguise.  It may have seemed like a huge “failure” to have lost the ability to be the old resilient me and keep on ploughing forward regardless.  But it afforded me a great opportunity to get to know myself.  To allow myself to get vulnerable and share “my story”.  That’s when I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who felt like that.

That’s when the real transformation began for me.  To allow myself to believe my own truth.  To start the process of change which wasn’t a walk in the park, but so worth the pain and the discomfort.

Perhaps the period of discomfort we’re experiencing now is also a blessing in disguise.  Not that many would recognise it as that YET!

You see, with change comes growth if you allow the vulnerability out of the box.  And with growth, transformation into an individual who lives a fulfilled life.  A life that’s congruent with one’s core values.  I’m not suggesting it will be a fairytale “happily ever after” life, but a life on your terms.  

It’s only then that you feel a certain amount of peace and gratitude you didn’t know existed when you lived your old life.  And hence, a newfound resilience and resolve which helps you deal with the unhappy times with a different kind of mindset.

And this is what I take my beautiful coachees through.  I encourage them to find themselves and what makes them tick.  What’s truly important to them.  Their truths, and how to reach for them unapologetically.  They learn to evaluate how they communicate their desires to their community.  

The realise what they’ve been tolerating.  The learn how to embrace and emanate their values in every communication they conduct.  I give them the tools to become attractive to themselves first and foremost, and to the people they cross paths with.

Trying to master the unknown we have faced for the last few weeks is yet another unexpected event where many of us have been forced to think and act differently from the time of life we called “normal”.

Isn’t this a brilliant time to redefine that “normal” as you knew it.  Why not make it what you want it to be?  To examine who you are, what you stand for and what you’ve tolerated unquestioningly during the time of life you used to call “normal”.

At this time of national lockdown and media frenzy, various stimuli are embedded in our subconscious on daily basis.  Be it the stories we tell ourselves or the propaganda and the scaremongering the media portray.  

Why not take a conscious effort to be different?  This is the perfect opportunity to switch the negativity off and put your creative, big blue sky thinking hats on and look at life differently.  

Let’s admit it… Many of us haven’t had time to get creative since we were kids; some of us had even forgotten what it was like to be creative till isolation happened.

Many people have lost their vocation, but admit openly how proud and fulfilled (as described by their social media feed) they feel in their new roles as healthcare assistants, supermarket employees and delivery ninjas.

Some business owners have had to think differently and take their businesses online.  Families have had to get creative with budgeting as they’ve faced financial challenges.  Look how many different recipes of bread are going around and the vast population who have attempted to make bread on fancy skillets to keep busy and sane.

I bet there have been many moments of laughter and pure joy as families have succeeded in making bread that’s half edible.  Who had time to bake bread pre CV19?  That’s such a great example of getting creative and living differently by many.

If I was to encourage you to see this period as an opportunity to grow into a better version of you, what would you say?

Would it be a good time to evolve and reinvent yourself, even a little bit?

Why not make a list of all the things you’ve been tolerating in your pre CV19 life as a first step?  Look for what you could eliminate from your new life?  Don’t forget to involve your loved ones and take them on this wonderful journey with you, so you can grow as a family and thrive together.

And please get in touch if you’d like any further exercises in the quest to start your wonderful and exciting personal revolution journey.

Stay connected and stay safe.

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

A Trip Down Memory Lane

 

Imagination and memory follow the same neural path.

Have you ever considered how easy it is to snap out of the loop of negative thoughts you may be experiencing?  All you need to do in that moment is to CHOOSE to be different.  Stand up if you’re sitting down.  Look up if you have your head down.  Close your eyes and bring back memories of a beautiful event.

In fact, next time you’re looking at a site that’s taking your breath away, make a picture memory.  You may be at the seaside, or the mountains, or your favourite restaurant, or a friend’s wedding.

Notice what you see, hear and feel.  Notice the colours, the sounds and the textures.  Notice the scents and the tastes.  Then when you’re in need of cheering up, recall the picture memory and the sensations associated with it.  It’s magical, it really works!

Mini me and I were in Venice this time last year and fb keeps on teasing me with memories of a year ago.

Looking at the crowds in this featured picture, I’m wondering…

About how silent, even eerie the side streets and the canals in the enchanted sunken city of Venice must be, feel and look today.

How relieved the locals must feel on one hand to have their beautiful city to themselves.  And yet how much of an economic struggle this must be for them on the other hand.

I’m also thinking about how I took life as I knew it for granted.  The wonders of the world I was lucky enough to explore.  The touch of my loved ones which I miss incredibly.  The ability to jump in the car and enjoy a day at the beach.  A short train ride to London to immerse myself in a few hours of culture.  Even the simple pleasure of taking a trip to the local drugstore to buy hair colour and a new shade of nail polish just because…  All of these and more that I had at my fingertips, I took for granted.  We all did!

So today, instead of finding ourselves in another beautiful European city, mini me and I are going to look at old pictures.  We will use the power of our imagination to reminisce about a life we once knew and the precious memories we made at every location.  A life I hope we get back sometime soon in the future, albeit I cannot think for sure what that would look like anymore.  Because I know the world we knew has changed for good, as have the people in it.

If nothing else, I’ve learnt to be more present, to look for pleasure in the pain I face and to say thank you more often… There are lessons in every adversity we face.

Happy Easter everyone

 

Much love, Easter eggs and strong coffee

Vafa

“Find Your IKIGAI…”

 

“Find Your IKIGAI…”

That’s what I kept being reminded by my mentor during our 1-2-1 sessions.  Back when I was trying to find a new path in the exciting playground of business ownership.  I wanted to be in charge of my own destiny and gain the work life balance I wanted.

I had met him years ago during my “explorer” years.  He’d been a part of my journey of Personal Revolution from the early days.  I presented new business ideas to him every time we met; usually once every six months or so when I visited yet another business show.

So, what is this IKIGAI my mentor kept asking me to find? According to the fountain of all knowledge, aka Wikipedia:

IKIGAI is a Japanese concept that means a reason for being. The word IKIGAIis usually used to indicate the source of value in one’s life or the things that make one’s life worthwhile. The word translated to English roughly means, things that you live for or the reason for which you wake up in the morning

My quest to find a new vocation was to gain personal freedom.  To spend quality time with my son during his long school holidays.  To return some much needed passion and vitality back into my life. 

I had spent a quarter of a century in a career that had been rewarding for many years, but had recently plateaued.  It wasn’t leaving me fulfilled anymore (I can’t believe I’m that old!).  The aspects of the job I had most loved were training and mentoring students and young professionals.  

I had all the essential ingredients for a start-up business owner.  I was passionate, resilient, determined and open minded about all opportunities that presented themselves to me.  I knew my strength was in building human connections and I adored investing in my personal development.  

I’d been a fan of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and a follower of Tony Robins since the early 90s, and I was passionate about helping people achieve the best version of themselves.  So when an opportunity presented itself to obtain a diploma in NLP and coaching, I didn’t hesitate.  I knew I’d have the best tools to help people in realising their own journeys of personal revolution.

 

 

I love how Tim Tamashiro likens IKIGAI to a “treasure map with four directions” in his TEDx talk. It’s basically a cross section of 4 simple questions:

  • What you LOVE doing

  • What you’re GOOD at doing

  • What the WORLD NEEDS

  • What you can get PAID FOR

It’s more about finding a vocation that yields results than finding a job that pays the mortgage.  It’s about fulfilling your heart’s desires.  Your life’s purpose and discovering a more meaningful you, where you do the things that really matter to you.  It’s about feeling useful and therefore having a reason to live for.

One interesting fact I came across in my research was that there are more centurions in Okinawa where the concept of IKIGAI stemmed from, than anywhere else in the world.  That’s partly due to their diet, and partly due to the fact that they have a sense of purpose in their lives.  A feeling of being valuable in society due to their adopted roles and responsibilities.

Do you want to know something interesting?  It just happens that I was looking for my IKIGAI when I became an explorer and started my wonderful journey of Personal Revolution.  Except I didn’t yet know that the Japanese had summed it up with this one beautiful word… IKIGAI.  

Have you started the search for your IKIGAI and your own Personal Revolution? If not, what are you waiting for? Call me and let’s start exploring what your life’s purpose is and how to get you there… ✨✨✨

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

The Super Power of Human Connections

 

It’s under a week till The London Business Show opens its doors to inspirational speakers, hopeful exhibitors, and wondering adventurers.  And I for one, cannot wait for another fabulous two days of touching base with existing connections and making new ones.

This forum was amongst the first, when I started my Personal Revolution journey some four years ago.  I had reached a stage in life where I needed more out of work and life.  But I didn’t even know how to go about getting it. 

That’s when I became an adventurer.  On first entry to the exhibition hall, I felt a huge sense of overwhelm.  I was supposed to meet my friend there, but she had an emergency come up and couldn’t make it.  So I took a deep breath and I walked in with a big smile.

I was amazed at how easy it was to engage with the exhibitors and the speakers.  Most of them were happy to offer information and guidance when I asked for it.  Some of those individuals went on to become much valued mentors.  They are still my go to people when I need guidance and support.  

I couldn’t believe the kind of conversations I ended up having with co-explorers who returned my smile with a smile and shared their story over coffee and lunch.  Some of those became friends and accountability buddies. 

And that in essence is the power of networking in a positive forum; where we can invest in our personal development, building our valuable network.  And of course remember the utterly sweet power of serendipity, not to mention credibility by association.  How knowing one influential person can lead you to having some of your biggest champions and mentors in turn.

I’ve had the pleasure of being engulfed in a kind of support which money can’t buy by some phenomenal entrepreneurs.  All because I plucked up the courage to enter an arena that was alien to me.  I was willing to become a student all over again and learn from some of the best.  I stepped well and truly outside my comfort zone when I entered that arena.  Today, I reap the rewards of the discomfort I felt at the time.   

In light of all the love and support I’ve received unconditionally, I’d love to give back and share the love.  If you are looking to start your own journey of personal revolution and are going to the business show, send me a PM and we’ll catch up over a cuppa.  

I’m happy to see how I can help you, or connect you with someone who can.  If you’re not going to the business show, let’s organise a video call and see how I can support you.  Please feel free to like, share and comment if you think your network would benefit from this post.  Send me a private message if I can be of any service to you.

 

Love and strong coffee 

Vafa