Stay True To Yourself

Stay True To Yourself

“There are some values that you should never compromise on to stay true to yourself; you should be brave to stand up for what you truly believe in, even if you stand alone.”
Roy T. Bennett

A conversation I had yesterday morning with mini me over breakfast about staying true to yourself prompted me to think back to one of the most instrumental a-ha monuments in my life.

Three years ago yesterday, I was driving back from college, reflecting back on the feedback I’d received from my peers.

After a few co-coaching sessions over the entire weekend, the feedback from the said peers was unanimous! I knew very clearly what my values were.

“But doesn’t EVERYONE know what their values are?” I asked as we came together as a group

Later that evening, I’m in the car driving back after a weekend of new learnings and insights and suddenly… Ping! I sense a penny drop moment!

“That’s the reason I dislike work so much! I’m ‘having to’ operate outside of my core values EVERY single day!” I said to myself.

And I realised at that moment that my life choices, although thought of and indeed encouraged as ‘normal’ by our society, had been hindering my happiness, fulfilment, growth.

The clarity I gained on the drive home that night was a major catalyst for change.

Perhaps, that’s the reason core values and the benefit of knowing what yours are, are a major discussion point at the ‘VIP’ seminars.

Knowing your core values will prompt you to invest in your self-care and live a life of ease and harmony because the choices you make provide you with clarity of direction.

✨When you live your life according to your core values, you live your truth. You’re unapologetic about showing up as you are and making a stand for what matters to you.

❓Are you living according to your core values?
❓Do you even know what they are?
❓How do you sense your life changing for the better when you begin to live life congruently to your core values?

🌱Curious to explore your core values? Drop me a message 👇🏼

Love & strong coffee

The Power Of Regret

The Power Of Regret

What’s your relationship with the word ‘regret’?

I’ve been enjoying reading and reflecting on Dan Pink’s new book ‘The Power of Regret’ in the last week. The title had me intrigued and as I’d enjoyed books by Dan Pink previously, I delved in whilst wondering if I would put the words ‘power’ and ‘regret’ in the same sentence…

Don’t get me wrong! There are PLENTY of ‘things’ I would have loved to do differently, (notice how I can’t bring myself to use the ‘R’ word) but hindsight is… well exactly that! Hindsight!

And although I look back often, I don’t view my mistakes as regrets, but instead, look at them in terms of lessons learned.

I suspect it’s because the word ‘regret’ has always held a negative connotation for me. ‘My story’ is that without having made ‘those’ mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am and neither would I be here, and I clearly love being ‘here’, having created my current reality that was once a dream!

Dan put ‘regrets’ in four different categories, one of which is ‘boldness’ regrets. He writes, boldness regrets are often about exploration. According to the responses he had to the surveys he conducted, some of the most significant explorations are ‘inward’.

He asserts furthermore, that AUTHENTICITY requires BOLDNESS and when authenticity is supported, so is GROWTH.

The most telling demonstration of this point came from several dozen people from all over the world who described their regret, their failure to be bold, with the same five words…

“NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF” he writes!

I found it most interesting to read that people who asserted their identity, rarely regretted it EVEN when those identities went counter to the dominant culture! People who suppressed their identity talked about denying themselves of the potential to live fully…

This body of work is so close to my heart and a huge part of the work I do with individuals and seminar participants.

Raising your awareness of your values and identity creates the desire to live a more authentic life where you are motivated to create a new forward direction in reaching your outcomes. This is a point that’s raised by almost every participant to my ‘VIP’ Seminar.

Without motivation and clarity of direction, one is likely to go round and round the same circle, ‘wishing’ life was different instead of ‘knowing’ what the next steps are. Does that resonate with you?

One big takeaway from this book was that…

PEOPLE HAVE MORE REGRETS ABOUT THE THINGS THEY DIDN’T DO THAN THE THINGS THEY DID DO!

Reading this book has changed my relationship with the word regret. It’s also reiterated the power of having the boldness, the courage to stand for who we are and what we love doing and perusing it unapologetically. EVEN when it’s counter to the dominant culture and environment we exist within. Afterall, we’re more likely to regret the actions we didn’t take, than the ones we did!

If you would like to explore your values, your Identity and your Purpose so you live a more fulfilled life, get in touch with me. The next VIP seminar is on Saturday, April 2nd and it’s almost at full capacity.

Let’s connect when you’re ready to step into your authenticity.

You only get one life. You so deserve to get the life you wish for.

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Get The Life You Wish For

“Get The Life You Wish For”… I so often heard the voice inside my head say this phrase. Especially when I came face to face with situations that put me at a cross roads where my values were being tested. Then I came across this passage from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasures you seek. Own the fear, find the cave and write a new inning for yourself. For the people you’re meant to serve and support and for your culture. Choose courage over comfort, choose whole hearts over armour and choose the great adventure of being brave and afraid at the exact same time.”

If you’re looking for what’s missing in your life or in need of new direction, if you’re defined by the measures of success that someone else has imposed on you or if you’re feeling guilty for wanting more, then please know you’re one of many who think and feel this way.

What are you doing to get the life you wish for?

I was reflecting on the time I used to wish for a better life during a graduation ceremony with a difference and congratulated myself for stepping inside the cave even though it was scary, unknown and uncomfortable.

For choosing whole hearts instead of armour, even though it deprived me from aspects of my old, secure world; and for choosing courage over comfort which scares me and makes me feel very alive every day!

Are you feeling stuck or are you living a life that makes you feel alive?

We only get one life; let’s live it on our terms

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

Have You Found Your Tribe?

“Tell your story. Shout it. Write it. Whisper it if you have to, but tell it. Some won’t understand it. Some will outright reject it, but many will thank you for it. And then the most magical thing will happen. One by one, voices will start whispering, ‘Me, too’! And your tribe will gather and you will never feel alone again”. L.R. Knost

My story today, on Monday June 1st is that I did the first school run in 10 weeks as mini me decided to return to school.

Also, I felt judged today, but decided not to let it in! And instead, I’m sharing my thoughts and seeking yours.

I don’t profess to be social media savvy; in fact, in truth, I didn’t particularly have a huge digital footprint because I had led quite a private life online till before lockdown.

Networking for me, was about meeting and getting to know people on a deep human level, and deciding who was to be a part of “my tribe”. That’s how I found my clients, my favourite networkers and even friends.

With lockdown, I had to think outside the box and started talking about my passion and purpose, storytelling and connecting on video. It was an experiment, but one I’m happy I conducted. Because as mini me says, “practice makes permanent, not perfect; because there’s no such thing as perfect!”

And I found my online tribe. I’m not polished, but I speak from the heart.

I’m curious, have you found your tribe? Do you put more value on how professional a vlog is or on the content it delivers?

Let me know your thoughts…

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

Do You Choose Courage Or Conformity?

“Do you choose courage or conformity?” I asked myself again after another difficult conversation that left me demotivated to strive for my best. Then I remembered this passage and exhaled, attempting to calm my distressed nervous system.

“It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly” T Roosevelt

This quote has been such a driver for me. Every time I thought of choosing comfort and conformity over courage in my journey of Personal Revolution…

I chose courage over comfort though; Every – Single – Day!

You know how the other quote goes. “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” And it was by sharing stories and insights with some great minds that I was inspired to push through the pain and get the life I wished for.

So now, I’m on a mission to spread the nuggets of wisdom that changed my life. I’ll be doing this by chatting to some truly inspirational people.

What’s my main purpose for starting this adventure?

To help my clients of course. They often think they’re the only ones experiencing the negative emotions and feel unfulfilled. They believe they have no other choice but to carry on as they are.

With the help of my beautiful guests, I plan to inspire you to get the courage and clarity to live life on your terms. Because I think that’s key to families and workplaces becoming happier, more connected places.

So watch out for my “Inspiring Courage” video series next week. I’m so looking forward to hearing my guests’ favourite quotes and the lessons they’ve learnt. And what the success factors were in them moving forward when they faced the same question I did time and again; “Do You Choose Courage Or Conformity?”

If you know of anyone who’d like to share their inspirational nuggets of wisdom, please drop me a line.

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

How Do You Colour?

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.”

Albert Einstein

When was the last time you coloured outside the lines? I mean, when was the last time you pushed outside of your comfortable boundaries?

I’ve been colouring outside the lines for a number of years now. It all started when I began to challenge my beliefs and values that were deeply ingrained.

And when lockdown was imposed, I wanted to stay connected with my network. So I decided to become visible on social media and started doing videos. Something I had shied away from, partly because of my limiting beliefs of not being able to do a good enough job!

Not only I’ve grown used to sharing my views on video, I’ve been able to help many people who contacted me. I’ve also been invited on fb and IG lives to share insights. So, I’d say that I’ve fulfilled my purpose of providing a safe space for my audience to talk and make sense of their stories. It just goes to show that good stuff happen when you step outside your comfort zone.

I often challenge my clients on their limiting beliefs by asking them to “imagine” how they would be if they were less afraid? It’s only by exploring different experiences that we build new habits. Who knows what great opportunities you may stumble upon if you chose to be different!

So I’m curious; how are you building new habits during these times?

What have you done differently that you couldn’t imagine doing before lockdown, and how have you felt about your new experiences?

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

“Life Is An Evolution”

“Life is an evolution, isn’t it mum” asked mini me on one of those bygone days when we used to travel to school.

Yes. Life is indeed an evolution. We are the product of the environments we grew up in. The people we grew up with. The beliefs and values we adopted. The sense of connection and belonging we felt and still feel at every step of the way.

Every new experience and interaction helps shape our reality and the lens we see the world through. For some people, evolution is a slow process.

For some of us however, certain circumstances arise in our life at the most unexpected time. They force us to re-evaluate our lives.

Mine came when I suffered with burnout when I was juggling far too many balls in the air at the same time. The overwhelm I felt paralysed my logical left thinking brain I so faithfully relied upon until then.

I clearly remember articulating this as “my amygdala having hijacked my brain” to a friend. I had averaged 3 hours of sleep each night for the previous 5 months and I was simply incapable of making even the simplest of decisions.

That’s when I was forced to take time out and rethink the path I wanted to travel on. As difficult as it was to go through that period, it was a blessing in disguise. It may have seemed like a huge “failure” to have lost the ability to be the old resilient me and keep on ploughing forward regardless. But it afforded me a great opportunity to get to know myself. To allow myself to get vulnerable and share “my story”. That’s when I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who felt like that.

That’s when the real transformation began for me. To allow myself to believe my own truth. To start the process of change which wasn’t a walk in the park, but so worth the pain and the discomfort.

Perhaps the period of discomfort we’re experiencing now is also a blessing in disguise. Not that many would recognise it as that YET!

You see, with change comes growth if you allow the vulnerability out of the box. And with growth, transformation into an individual who lives a fulfilled life. A life that’s congruent with one’s core values. I’m not suggesting it will be a fairytale “happily ever after” life, but a life on your terms.

It’s only then that you feel a certain amount of peace and gratitude you didn’t know existed when you lived your old life. And hence, a newfound resilience and resolve which helps you deal with the unhappy times with a different kind of mindset.

And this is what I take my beautiful coachees through. I encourage them to find themselves and what makes them tick. What’s truly important to them. Their truths, and how to reach for them unapologetically. They learn to evaluate how they communicate their desires to their community.

The realise what they’ve been tolerating. The learn how to embrace and emanate their values in every communication they conduct. I give them the tools to become attractive to themselves first and foremost, and to the people they cross paths with.

Trying to master the unknown we have faced for the last few weeks is yet another unexpected event where many of us have been forced to think and act differently from the time of life we called “normal”.

Isn’t this a brilliant time to redefine that “normal” as you knew it. Why not make it what you want it to be? To examine who you are, what you stand for and what you’ve tolerated unquestioningly during the time of life you used to call “normal”.

At this time of national lockdown and media frenzy, various stimuli are embedded in our subconscious on daily basis. Be it the stories we tell ourselves or the propaganda and the scaremongering the media portray.

Why not take a conscious effort to be different? This is the perfect opportunity to switch the negativity off and put your creative, big blue sky thinking hats on and look at life differently.

Let’s admit it… Many of us haven’t had time to get creative since we were kids; some of us had even forgotten what it was like to be creative till isolation happened.

Many people have lost their vocation, but admit openly how proud and fulfilled (as described by their social media feed) they feel in their new roles as healthcare assistants, supermarket employees and delivery ninjas.

Some business owners have had to think differently and take their businesses online. Families have had to get creative with budgeting as they’ve faced financial challenges. Look how many different recipes of bread are going around and the vast population who have attempted to make bread on fancy skillets to keep busy and sane.

I bet there have been many moments of laughter and pure joy as families have succeeded in making bread that’s half edible. Who had time to bake bread pre CV19? That’s such a great example of getting creative and living differently by many.

If I was to encourage you to see this period as an opportunity to grow into a better version of you, what would you say?

Would it be a good time to evolve and reinvent yourself, even a little bit?

Why not make a list of all the things you’ve been tolerating in your pre CV19 life as a first step? Look for what you could eliminate from your new life? Don’t forget to involve your loved ones and take them on this wonderful journey with you, so you can grow as a family and thrive together.

And please get in touch if you’d like any further exercises in the quest to start your wonderful and exciting personal revolution journey.

Stay connected and stay safe.

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

How Do You Define Yourself?

“Identity cannot be found or fabricated, but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go” Doug Cooper

Today’s vlog is on the topic of identity. Who are you and how do you define yourself? Do you define yourself by the job you have, the role/roles you play? Or do you define yourself by who you are in your core, the values you hold dear, and what your bigger purpose is? Can you honestly say that you created your identity?

I often come across clients who are living life according to the values they’ve learnt to abide by. These values are shaped by the upbringing they had and how their physical and emotional needs were met by their care givers. How they were influenced by teachers, peer groups, work environments, religious leaders, and even the sports they played and sport’s teams they supported.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve spoken to so many people who feel lost, overwhelmed and angry. Because they feel out of control, they’ve lost their jobs or have been furloughed and simply don’t know what to do. Their identity was so intertwined with the job title they had, that without the job, they have lost their identity!

If this resonates with you, have you considered using this time to your best advantage and getting to know the real you?

When was the last time you thought about your values, and whether or not they’re congruent with your identity and your lifestyle?

As a first step, consider what your answer will be next time someone asks you “what do you do’? Remember… You are waaay more than your job title.

I’d love to hear from you and how you’re making the most of a bad situation? I’m happy to have a conversation if you’d like to make sense of your story.

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

“There are some values that you should never compromise on to stay true to yourself; you should be brave to stand up for what you truly believe in, even if you stand alone.” Roy T. Bennett

“NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF” he writes!

PEOPLE HAVE MORE REGRETS ABOUT THE THINGS THEY DIDN’T DO THAN THE THINGS THEY DID DO!

What’s my main purpose for starting this adventure?

“There are some values that you should never compromise on to stay true to yourself; you should be brave to stand up for what you truly believe in, even if you stand alone.”
Roy T. Bennett