Stay True To Yourself, values, core values, life coach, Basingstoke, Vafa Taleban, vip seminar

Stay True To Yourself

 
 
Stay True To Yourself
 
 

“There are some values that you should never compromise on to stay true to yourself; you should be brave to stand up for what you truly believe in, even if you stand alone.”
Roy T. Bennett

 

A conversation I had yesterday morning with mini me over breakfast about staying true to yourself prompted me to think back to one of the most instrumental a-ha monuments in my life.

Three years ago yesterday, I was driving back from college, reflecting back on the feedback I’d received from my peers.

After a few co-coaching sessions over the entire weekend, the feedback from the said peers was unanimous! I knew very clearly what my values were.

“But doesn’t EVERYONE know what their values are?” I asked as we came together as a group 

Later that evening, I’m in the car driving back after a weekend of new learnings and insights and suddenly… Ping! I sense a penny drop moment!

“That’s the reason I dislike work so much! I’m ‘having to’ operate outside of my core values EVERY single day!” I said to myself.

And I realised at that moment that my life choices, although thought of and indeed encouraged as ‘normal’ by our society, had been hindering my happiness, fulfilment, growth.

The clarity I gained on the drive home that night was a major catalyst for change.

Perhaps, that’s the reason core values and the benefit of knowing what yours are, are a major discussion point at the ‘VIP’ seminars.

Knowing your core values will prompt you to invest in your self-care and live a life of ease and harmony because the choices you make provide you with clarity of direction.

✨When you live your life according to your core values, you live your truth. You’re unapologetic about showing up as you are and making a stand for what matters to you.

❓Are you living according to your core values?
❓Do you even know what they are?
❓How do you sense your life changing for the better when you begin to live life congruently to your core values?

🌱Curious to explore your core values? Drop me a message 👇🏼

 
 

Love & strong coffee

Vafa Taleban VIP Seminar Values Identity Purpose Personal Revolution authenticity

The Power Of Regret

 
 
The Power Of Regret
 
 
What’s your relationship with the word ‘regret’?
 
I’ve been enjoying reading and reflecting on Dan Pink’s new book ‘The Power of Regret’ in the last week.  The title had me intrigued and as I’d enjoyed books by Dan Pink previously, I delved in whilst wondering if I would put the words ‘power’ and ‘regret’ in the same sentence…
 
 
Don’t get me wrong!  There are PLENTY of ‘things’ I would have loved to do differently, (notice how I can’t bring myself to use the ‘R’ word) but hindsight is… well exactly that!  Hindsight!
 
 
And although I look back often, I don’t view my mistakes as regrets, but instead, look at them in terms of lessons learned.
 
 
I suspect it’s because the word ‘regret’ has always held a negative connotation for me. ‘My story’ is that without having made ‘those’ mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am and neither would I be here, and I clearly love being ‘here’, having created my current reality that was once a dream!
 
 
Dan put ‘regrets’ in four different categories, one of which is ‘boldness’ regrets.  He writes, boldness regrets are often about exploration.  According to the responses he had to the surveys he conducted, some of the most significant explorations are ‘inward’.
He asserts furthermore, that AUTHENTICITY requires BOLDNESS and when authenticity is supported, so is GROWTH.
 
 
The most telling demonstration of this point came from several dozen people from all over the world who described their regret, their failure to be bold, with the same five words…
 

“NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF” he writes!

 
I found it most interesting to read that people who asserted their identity, rarely regretted it EVEN when those identities went counter to the dominant culture! People who suppressed their identity talked about denying themselves of the potential to live fully…
 
 
This body of work is so close to my heart and a huge part of the work I do with individuals and seminar participants.
 
 
Raising your awareness of your values and identity creates the desire to live a more authentic life where you are motivated to create a new forward direction in reaching your outcomes.  This is a point that’s raised by almost every participant to my ‘VIP’ Seminar.
 
 
Without motivation and clarity of direction, one is likely to go round and round the same circle, ‘wishing’ life was different instead of ‘knowing’ what the next steps are.  Does that resonate with you?
One big takeaway from this book was that…
 

PEOPLE HAVE MORE REGRETS ABOUT THE THINGS THEY DIDN’T DO THAN THE THINGS THEY DID DO!

 
Reading this book has changed my relationship with the word regret.  It’s also reiterated the power of having the boldness, the courage to stand for who we are and what we love doing and perusing it unapologetically. EVEN when it’s counter to the dominant culture and environment we exist within.  Afterall, we’re more likely to regret the actions we didn’t take, than the ones we did!
 
 
If you would like to explore your values, your Identity and your Purpose so you live a more fulfilled life, get in touch with me. The next VIP seminar is on Saturday, April 2nd and it’s almost at full capacity.
 
 
Let’s connect when you’re ready to step into your authenticity. 
 
 
You only get one life. You so deserve to get the life you wish for.
 
 
Love & Strong Coffee
 
Vafa

 

Vafa opening a bottle of champagne celebrating graduation obtaining NLP coaching diploma from UKCPD

Get The Life You Wish For

“Get The Life You Wish For”…  I so often heard the voice inside my head say this phrase.  Especially when I came face to face with situations that put me at a cross roads where my values were being tested.  Then I came across this passage from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.

 

 “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasures you seek.  Own the fear, find the cave and write a new inning for yourself. For the people you’re meant to serve and support and for your culture.  Choose courage over comfort, choose whole hearts over armour and choose the great adventure of being brave and afraid at the exact same time.” 

 

If you’re looking for what’s missing in your life or in need of new direction, if you’re defined by the measures of success that someone else has imposed on you or if you’re feeling guilty for wanting more, then please know you’re one of many who think and feel this way.

What are you doing to get the life you wish for?

I was reflecting on the time I used to wish for a better life during a graduation ceremony with a difference and congratulated myself for stepping inside the cave even though it was scary, unknown and uncomfortable.

For choosing whole hearts instead of armour, even though it deprived me from aspects of my old, secure world; and for choosing courage over comfort which scares me and makes me feel very alive every day!

Are you feeling stuck or are you living a life that makes you feel alive?

We only get one life; let’s live it on our terms

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

Do Something That Scares You!

 

“May your choice reflect your hopes and not your fears” Nelson Mandela

 

How often do you do something that scares you?  How often do you make decisions that reflect your hopes, your heart’s desires and your dreams, rather than let the fear of change paralyse your thinking and reasoning powers?

I’ve made so many difficult decisions in the last few years.  Most of which have led to a huge personal & professional development.  Some decisions haven’t been great, but even those have provided ample experiences and lessons without which I wouldn’t be who I am now.

If you don’t try, you won’t know the magic that’s within your reach, and yet so many choose to tolerate the devil they know for the fear of upsetting the status quo which doesn’t serve them well anyway! It’s keeping them stuck, unfulfilled and unhappy. Crazy, right?

Their narrative is: ‘One DAY I’ll get the life I deserve’. To which I reply: ‘would today be a good day to start?’

I love walking alongside people who are brave enough to let go of their fear and embrace change to learn, to grow and to find the magic. Do you know anyone like that?

Fun fact… Going to a music festival by myself was so outside of my comfort zone, but I decided to do it a year ago today & I loved it! I’d be there now if it wasn’t for 2020 throwing us a curved ball!

What are you choosing that reflects your hopes, not your fears?  We only get one life.  Let’s live the life we want and deserve, starting from today

Next time you want to do something that scares you a little, perhaps when you’d like someone to walk alongside you, give me a call

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

“Life Is An Evolution”​

 

“Life is an evolution, isn’t it mum” asked mini me on one of those bygone days when we used to travel to school.

Yes.  Life is indeed an evolution.  We are the product of the environments we grew up in.  The people we grew up with.  The beliefs and values we adopted.  The sense of connection and belonging we felt and still feel at every step of the way. 

Every new experience and interaction helps shape our reality and the lens we see the world through.  For some people, evolution is a slow process.

For some of us however, certain circumstances arise in our life at the most unexpected time.  They force us to re-evaluate our lives.  

Mine came when I suffered with burnout when I was juggling far too many balls in the air at the same time.  The overwhelm I felt paralysed my logical left thinking brain I so faithfully relied upon until then.  

I clearly remember articulating this as “my amygdala having hijacked my brain” to a friend.  I had averaged 3 hours of sleep each night for the previous 5 months and I was simply incapable of making even the simplest of decisions.

That’s when I was forced to take time out and rethink the path I wanted to travel on.  As difficult as it was to go through that period, it was a blessing in disguise.  It may have seemed like a huge “failure” to have lost the ability to be the old resilient me and keep on ploughing forward regardless.  But it afforded me a great opportunity to get to know myself.  To allow myself to get vulnerable and share “my story”.  That’s when I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who felt like that.

That’s when the real transformation began for me.  To allow myself to believe my own truth.  To start the process of change which wasn’t a walk in the park, but so worth the pain and the discomfort.

Perhaps the period of discomfort we’re experiencing now is also a blessing in disguise.  Not that many would recognise it as that YET!

You see, with change comes growth if you allow the vulnerability out of the box.  And with growth, transformation into an individual who lives a fulfilled life.  A life that’s congruent with one’s core values.  I’m not suggesting it will be a fairytale “happily ever after” life, but a life on your terms.  

It’s only then that you feel a certain amount of peace and gratitude you didn’t know existed when you lived your old life.  And hence, a newfound resilience and resolve which helps you deal with the unhappy times with a different kind of mindset.

And this is what I take my beautiful coachees through.  I encourage them to find themselves and what makes them tick.  What’s truly important to them.  Their truths, and how to reach for them unapologetically.  They learn to evaluate how they communicate their desires to their community.  

The realise what they’ve been tolerating.  The learn how to embrace and emanate their values in every communication they conduct.  I give them the tools to become attractive to themselves first and foremost, and to the people they cross paths with.

Trying to master the unknown we have faced for the last few weeks is yet another unexpected event where many of us have been forced to think and act differently from the time of life we called “normal”.

Isn’t this a brilliant time to redefine that “normal” as you knew it.  Why not make it what you want it to be?  To examine who you are, what you stand for and what you’ve tolerated unquestioningly during the time of life you used to call “normal”.

At this time of national lockdown and media frenzy, various stimuli are embedded in our subconscious on daily basis.  Be it the stories we tell ourselves or the propaganda and the scaremongering the media portray.  

Why not take a conscious effort to be different?  This is the perfect opportunity to switch the negativity off and put your creative, big blue sky thinking hats on and look at life differently.  

Let’s admit it… Many of us haven’t had time to get creative since we were kids; some of us had even forgotten what it was like to be creative till isolation happened.

Many people have lost their vocation, but admit openly how proud and fulfilled (as described by their social media feed) they feel in their new roles as healthcare assistants, supermarket employees and delivery ninjas.

Some business owners have had to think differently and take their businesses online.  Families have had to get creative with budgeting as they’ve faced financial challenges.  Look how many different recipes of bread are going around and the vast population who have attempted to make bread on fancy skillets to keep busy and sane.

I bet there have been many moments of laughter and pure joy as families have succeeded in making bread that’s half edible.  Who had time to bake bread pre CV19?  That’s such a great example of getting creative and living differently by many.

If I was to encourage you to see this period as an opportunity to grow into a better version of you, what would you say?

Would it be a good time to evolve and reinvent yourself, even a little bit?

Why not make a list of all the things you’ve been tolerating in your pre CV19 life as a first step?  Look for what you could eliminate from your new life?  Don’t forget to involve your loved ones and take them on this wonderful journey with you, so you can grow as a family and thrive together.

And please get in touch if you’d like any further exercises in the quest to start your wonderful and exciting personal revolution journey.

Stay connected and stay safe.

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

How Do You Cope In Times Of Adversity?

 

Happy New Year ✨🥂✨

2019 threw me so many curved balls that I now feel, I can rise in the face of adversity and win hands down.  No matter what cards I’m dealt!

EVERY TIME I thought things were going my way, the universe tested my patience and resilience.  But you know something?  The universe forgot I was a war child and I’ve faced what many of my peers couldn’t even imagine as their worst nightmare.

I’m not saying I was ready to attack the challenges face on immediately.  And I’m not saying I didn’t feel scared, hurt and angry at times.  And there were times I crawled back into my shell and wished I could hibernate for a season like my favourite nocturnal creatures, the hedgehogs.   But my beautiful and emotionally intelligent boy, and the undying support of my very close network of friends and family got me going.  Not forgetting my gorgeous and incredibly talented accountability buddies who guided me out of the potholes I found myself in.

I decided to acknowledge the pain, rather than bury and ignore it like I used to.  I found strategies around dealing with the unrest and the uncertainty.  For me, this was in the form of taking long walks, reading, and having pow wows with my buddies to check my sanity.  Until I found solutions to the many challenges I faced.  ONE CHALLENGE AT A TIME…

I’m curious…. How do you deal with the serious, surprise life challenges that are thrown your way?  Are you aware of the immense guilt and the shame you feel in those situations as I did?  And do they stop you from reaching out and seeking different perspectives?

Here’s to believing in ourselves and the hidden powers within us more… In the famous words of one of my favourite poets, Hafez:

“You have in your soul, every ingredient necessary to turn your existence into joy.  All you have to do is to mix your ingredients”

 

Love and strong coffee

Vafa