The importance of state management

The importance of state management

‘State management’ is one of the first techniques I teach my clients, both the children and the adults I work with. It’s probably amongst one of the most impactful tools they take away with them.

The state you adopt and operate out of is very much governed by the thoughts you cultivate, pictures you see and the stimuli you encounter. And of course, the way you:

perceive these events,

interpret these events,

and respond to them.

In effect, your state is mostly governed by the ‘stories’ you tell yourself. What’s more, there’s often more than one way of narrating that story.

What my clients find impactful is the fact that the first ‘story’ doesn’t always reflect the whole truth. It’s just a ‘first draft’ which is the way you’re interpreting the events based on years of conditioning and unconscious programming. It’s highly likely there’s a different version of what they currently ‘believe’ to be the truth.

But wait… I have great news?!

Old beliefs, habits of thinking and being are learnt, not innate! They can be replaced by more resourceful beliefs, habits and ways of being when you choose to be intentional in the results you’d prefer…

when you choose to:

live a more connected life;

a more peaceful life;

a life where you respectfully and responsibly impact and influence your loved ones

a life of less conflict and angst;

a less reactive and volatile life.

So, next time you’re caught up in the cycle of overwhelm or chaos, ask yourself:

What’s the story I’m telling myself?

How else can I narrate this story?

Let’s connect when you’re ready for a life which is less reactive and more intentional.

You only get one life. You so deserve to get the life you wish for.

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Let life live through you

Let life live through you

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” Rumi

Visiting Leeds Castle, aka ‘the loveliest castle in the world’ brought into my attention the amount of change this beautiful castle has endured in the last 900 years! And it’s still standing tall and proud.

It made me wonder… What needs to happen for more people to accept the wind of change?

We evolve as we journey through life. Our circumstances change. Our goals change. What served us in our 20s and 30s won’t necessarily serve us in our mid to late life.

And oftentimes, we find our true calling, our true direction as the wind of change sweeps through our lives.

We have two options when that happens! To play the victim and ask ‘why me? Why is this happening to me?’ OR to remain flexible and curious and ask ‘what can I learn from this and how can I find a new direction?’ In reality, how often do you let life live through you?

That’s when working with a coach will help you generate new, positive and future focused solutions.

If you’re curious to explore working with a coach, drop me a message.

You have all the necessary ingredients inside of you to live a fulfilled life. You only get one life! It’s your birthright to get the life you wish for.

Happy Saturday everyone 🌻🌞🌻

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Life is like a gift

Life is like a gift

I came across this quote which truly brought tears to my eyes: “Life is like a gift. You never get the one you really wanted.”

I passionately believe that the truth is this: You CAN get the LIFE you REALLY want! It requires

effort and intention.

a good dose of courage and action.

an infinite mindset.

you to surround yourself with people who’ve been in your shoes and achieved what you want to achieve.

Those who can empathise and hold a space for you.

They can hold your hand throughout your journey and walk beside you.

Those who can have your back when the going gets tough.

By joining me on one of my executive retreats, you will be surrounded by like-minded people and given the opportunity to regroup, reflect, and start authoring your new life story.

And trust me when I say that you REALLY CAN get the life you wish for. You have all the necessary ingredients inside of you to strive for that life.

When you join me on this retreat, you will discover the tools and techniques that will enable you to shift your mindset from starting your journey ‘ONE DAY’ to ‘This is DAY ONE’ of that beautiful life you’ve been dreaming of.

Life is like a gift. Are you ready to live a life that’s more on your terms? Let’s talk

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Reset your life

Reset your life

There’s never been a better time to step back, take stock, and reflect on your story so far. To reset your life.

If it’s not reading how you want it to, make a change! Seek a new perspective on life and be the author of your own story moving forwards.

The world we live in is going through a major reset! Now is the perfect time for you to reset your life too, so you create a life that’s more on your terms.

Are you at a crossroads and can’t see the wood for the trees?

Do you know in your core, that there is more to life than this?

Have you ever wondered how much of your life you spend on autopilot?

Have you achieved everything your idealistic self has wanted to achieve to date, and yet you feel unfulfilled?

Is there a nagging voice inside of you saying, “ONE DAY I will do what I really LOVE to do?”

Has the right time never come so every day feels like ground hog day?

If any of this resonates, then this luxury retreat is for you. Let’s have a conversation. Call me or drop me a message and I will call you back.

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Do, or do not… There’s no try

“Procrastination is the seed of self-destruction“ Matthew Burton

How aware are you of the language you use to narrate your story?

Do you know how self-destructive it can be both in the short and the long term when you don’t use resourceful language to communicate with yourself and others?

The “I will try”, “I’ll start tomorrow”, “when the circumstances change” kinda stories you’re telling yourself, are stopping you from taking useful action.

There are many causes of procrastination, some of which are:

Perfectionism
Fear of failure
Poor time management
Low self-esteem
Low motivation
Lack of direction
Low self confidence
Lack of knowledge
Disconnection from self & others

What do you do when you want to create better habits to guide you in a positive, future focused direction?

Understanding the language you use and how procrastination shows up for you are a good place to start.
Getting someone to walk alongside you as you narrate a more beautiful story is another great starting point.

Even the most capable professionals and sports people have blind spots and benefit from working with a coach. So next time you catch yourself saying ‘I’ll try” remember what Yoda said!

Do, or do not… There’s no try

If you’re curious and want to know more, give me a call.

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Allow space to reflect

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl

I often ask my clients to

Stop

Breathe

Connect to their body

Reflect

Respond or evaluate!

So, this afternoon as I allow space to reflect and evaluate whilst working in my garden, I’m treating myself to a mini-version of the afternoon tea I so often took for granted BC (Before Covid).

On this beautiful Friday afternoon I’m grateful for the courageous steps I took to an uncertain world. “What’s the worse that could happen” was the mantra that kept me focused.

I’m also grateful for the team that supported me in my hour of need; although not always the ones I had counted on, but that’s how we get to know who our real friends are!

So, why write this post?

This post was inspired by listening to the radio interview I had with the lovely Zeenat Noorani in which I spoke about my Personal Revolution journey.

Realising what I have now, seemed like a dream 5 years ago. It is about looking back, only to see, and be grateful for how far I’ve come.

It’s purely to encourage and inspire those of you who are feeling ‘lost, numb, stuck, demotivated, unloved, lonely or whatever definition you give to a sense of stagnation and unfulfillment’ to spring into action. Those of you who need a different path, or a new perspective.

If I could do it, so can you! There’s a huge amount of value in giving yourself the permission to allow space to reflect. That’s when you can connect with yourself and make a genuine inquiry as to what it is you want out of life. That’s when you get a chance to be creative and dream…

It’s good to have a dream. How are you going to make that dream come true? How will you get to live the life you want and deserve? Who’s got your back?

Call me if you need listening ears

You only get one life and you deserve to get the life you wish for. As R. Buckminster Fuller reminds us, “The minute you choose to do what you really want to do, it’s a different kind of life.”

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

Look Back Only To See How Far You’ve Come

Look back only to see how far you’ve come

How much attention do you pay to your timeline? Those of you who know me are only too familiar with how I reminisce about our memories and shared experiences.

This morning I was thinking about when and how my transformation was accelerated in the right direction. All because of a long walk and talk in a beautiful Spa Hotel with a mentor I trusted and respected three years ago today.

I started to look at life with a different perspective. A lot of my values and deep-rooted beliefs were challenged. But during that walk, I could clearly see a future that was much more aligned with how I wanted to be and how I wanted to impact the world around me. That was day one of a new direction for me

Perhaps that’s the reason I love, value and offer outdoor coaching and retreats as part of my offerings

And then Facebook reminded me of my activities this time last year… I started doing the ‘what’s your story’ video series a year ago. I remember how apprehensive I was as I held my phone in front of my face and pressed the record button.

We had just entered into a period of uncertainty due to Covid dominating social media and every conversation we had. We were trying to make sense of our stories.

And as uncomfortable as it was for me to speak to an object, I listened to the part of me that had a positive intention in spite of my fear of looking unnatural and serious as I spoke. And so, a new journey of personal growth and development started as I stepped out of my comfort zone.

It certainly took time to get used to smiling into the camera and being more like the real me on video.

My intentions were to keep connected as we were having to socially distance. I also wanted to inject a bit of calm into the frenzy that took hold of my social media timeline by raising awareness of how the stories we told ourselves impacted our mental health and wellbeing.

A year later, I’m more comfortable with speaking in front of a camera. Who knew I’d be recording content in a professional studio a year on?!

What’s the point of this story you ask? Well… experience shows that:

New experiences can seem more scary than they really are. Learning to silence the fear will motivate you into action.
With practice and repetition, you can build new habits.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Accepting that failure is a part of life increases your bouncebackability.
Having an awareness that the fear you feel is intending to keep you safe, but at times, it’s standing in the way of your fulfilment.
Guilt is one of the biggest drivers in keeping you stuck. What will other people think of you if you don’t live according to their expectations may be playing a part in your decision making.
Perhaps you’re finding yourself overwhelmed by the number of options you’re generating and can’t think of how to move out of the overwhelm?

What may help you assess the situation…

Accepting that your first responsibility is to yourself and keeping yourself resourceful. Only then you’re in a position to take meaningful action and be the example, help and support you aim to be for others. Your children do what you show them, not what you tell them. What sort of an example do you set if you compromise on your values and demonstrate this to them?
Understanding that you will not please everyone, but you will have real impact on a few may give you the courage to stay on track.
Believing that you have all the necessary ingredients inside of you to live the life you want. Sometimes, you have blind spots and can’t see the wood for the trees. Working with a coach or mentor will help you see life with a different perspective.

Let’s face it; life is for living, not waiting for the circumstances to be right. Because before you know it, life has passed you by and you’re left with a list of ‘if onlys’.

What’s your story today? When is a good day to start living life on your terms? In the famous words of Paulo Coelho, are you still saying one day or will today be day one? You decide

Call me when you’re ready to take a literal or a metaphorical walk and work through your limiting beliefs that are causing your blind spots.

Love & Strong Coffee

Vafa

What’s Your Lesson Today?

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness. Some momentary awareness comes, as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture. Still, treat each guest honourably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond” Rumi

Found this beautiful and timely passage when I was looking through my library of inspirational quotes. Most of us are going through a roller-coaster of emotions and this text says it all. As always, we aren’t in control of the circumstances around us. But we are in control of our responses to each circumstance.

Next time you’re caught in the thick of it, ask yourself:

“What is happening here? What is ‘this’ trying to teach me?” Take yourself away from your environment. Concentrate on your breath. Mindful breathing calms the nervous system. You’ll be surprised at how much more resourceful you are at dealing with the situation at hand.

It’s so important to honour every emotion, but not let them take control. Being able to recognise and label the emotion is key to how it can be reframed

It’s vital to teach our kids a healthy mental resilience and be the examples they’d want to lead. Discussing our thoughts and our feelings openly will give them permission to recognise and acknowledge their own emotions.

I’ve been working with a number of school aged children, supporting them with their challenges. Reach out if you’d like a chat please.

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

This Too Shall Pass

“This Too Shall Pass”

I heard this from a dear friend of mine some years ago when I was really struggling to make sense of my story and I must admit, it’s been one of my go to phrases when situations have started to cause overwhelm.

When the going gets tough, there’s one important point to appreciate. That although what we’re experiencing at that moment is particularly unknown and tough to digest, that it’s our thoughts about the situation that keep us stuck in a negative state.

And as valid as those thoughts and emotions are at that particular moment in time, we are able to choose our response to the situation. A simple statement like “this too shall pass” will remind us that the difficulty we’re experiencing is temporary. It will divert our unconscious mind in a future positive direction.

I’m curious to find out how you’re feeling today? How are you finding the positives in the somewhat alien world we find ourselves in?

Remember, we’re not in control of this situation, but we are in control of the way we respond to it. We still have a choice! That liberty hasn’t been removed from us.

We’re in control of the meaning we give to our thoughts and feelings. It’s kind to honour the feelings we have, but it’s pointless to get lost in the vicious circle of negative thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

I too, have struggled with the real threats out there, but I’ve fallen in the more optimistic camp. Perhaps because of my NLP training and the ability to look at the threats with a different perspective. Or perhaps the war child in me tells me “this too, shall pass”.

To keep my sanity, I’m choosing to be acutely aware of simple pleasures in life, all the things I took for granted previously. I’m choosing to stay even more connected in times of social and physical distancing. I’m choosing to invest in my personal development.

How are you keeping your sanity? Reach out when you need a chat.

Love and strong coffee

Vafa

What’s Your Story?

“Step aside from all thinking, and there is nowhere you can’t go.” Seng-ts’an

So, I’m saying a cheerful Hi to my wonderful and diverse network at a time we’re being challenged in ways we’ve never known before!

At the time of writing this blog, we’re faced with a global pandemic and by now, have had at least two weeks of “trying” to make sense of our new reality, but are we there yet?

In an attempt to stay connected when we’re having to socially distance from each other, I’m starting a new vlog series. Something that I’m not hugely comfortable with, but to grow, one needs to step outside one’s comfort zone, right? 😉

Also, I’m being driven by a bigger purpose of providing a safe space for my audience to voice their fears and concerns. To stay connected and optimistic. My purpose in producing this vlog is to give you a chance to voice “your story” regardless of the camp you fall into and see how you wish to be supported.

This post is inspired by one of my favourite authors, Brene Brown. When she’s in conflict with her husband, she starts her dialogue by “my story is…”

This allows her the opportunity to be open and honest about how her thoughts are creating certain feelings about a particular situation, and how she’s narrating “her story”. She’ll often find that her husband has given a different meaning to the course of events, and therefore “his story” is different.

Proof that we interpret the same situation differently, according to our preferences, our installed filters and previous experiences which have shaped us as we are. By respectfully listening to each other’s stories, we feel seen, heard and understood. In that safe environment, we get a sense of connection, acceptance and belonging. We get to strategise and think of solutions to our problems.

So, what’s your story? Are you panic stricken, slightly anxious, heavy hearted, fear the unknown, bored because you’ve been furloughed and feel lost, or have you made peace with your new reality and are getting on with it? Or something entirely different? There are no right or wrong answers by the way. How you’re feeling at the moment is very real to you and you deserve to be believed.

Are you half full or half empty? What are your thoughts and what are the emotions and stories you’re attaching to those thought? What’s your story? Let’s talk and make sense of this madness together…

Love and strong coffee
Vafa